Photo: Joshua Gunter/Cleveland.com

Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea: No, I'm not making a plug for Pepto-Bismol, nor am I outlining the symptoms of the swine flu. I'm listing what I'm sure most Browns fans either experienced or would rather experience than watching today's game, a forgettable 31-3 beatdown at the hands of the Green Bay Packers in Cleveland Browns Stadium.

Injury issues: No one missed today's game due to the flu that ravaged the team earlier this week, but it sure looked like it still had an effect on the team. Tight ends Robert Royal and Steve Heiden missed their second straight games due to injury, and Phil Dawson missed yet another game as well. Greg Estandia and Billy Cundiff filled in once again respectively. Eric Wright also started after flipping his car earlier in the week. He seemed a bit off all day as one would expect.

"We Just Can't Afford More of the Same": ... but we got more of it today. Derek Anderson continues to do the things that would've gotten Brady Quinn benched three times over by now. He's missing receivers short range, he's making TERRIBLE reads by throwing into double and triple coverage on almost every pass, and he's failing to score when the team gets in the redzone. "The Gutless Wonder" was a jaw-dropping 12-of-29 today for 99 yards and one interception. I know it's not all DA's fault, not by a long shot, but I don't see what Anderson is doing right now that makes Mangini think he gives them the best chance to win. Brady Quinn must be an absolute bum in practice, because by now I'd be starting to second-guess that QB change. Either way, at this point, it's like rearragning deck chairs on the Titanic. Most of us Browns' fans can see the writing on the wall. Neither of these guys will be here next year, the Browns will use their first rounder on a QB, and they'll sign a veteran like Kerry Collins to give the rookie support as a backup.

Putrid Playcalling: I tried to chronicle some of the play calls today that just made me cringe. Here's a little sampling, and I think you'll see the trend that really ticks me off.

14:13 in 1st - Jamal Lewis run up the middle for no gain on 2nd and 17.
9:49 in 2nd - Jerome Harrison run off right guard for 4 yards on 3rd and 15.
6:55 in 2nd - Jerome Harrison run off right guard for 2 yards on 2nd and 10.
6:00 in 2nd - Jamal Lewis run off left tackle for 1 yard on 2nd and 10.
7:09 in 4th - Jamal Lewis run off left guard for 1 yard on 2nd and 10.

Running the ball on a draw up the middle on 2nd and long just boggles my mind. I realize that sometimes you have to change it up to keep the defense honest, but when you repeatedly get 0-2 yards on that play, you're setting yourself up for 3rd and long, a losing proposition. Instead, run the ball on first down, then you know if you have 2nd and long, you need to pass the ball or doing something more creatively in the running game, ahem Wildcat maybe?

Worse tackling: As bad as the playcalling was, the tackling made me more nauseous. Most of the season, I've been in the frame of mind that the defense is not as bad as their dead last ranking and that the offense continually put them in impossible positions. Today, they truly looked like the worst defense in the NFL. They missed tackles repeatedly, they lost the battle in the trenches, they failed to pressure Aaron Rodgers (more on that later), and they got burned on deep pass plays. I'm sure some of the dropoff can be attributed to the loss of LB D'Qwell Jackson for the season, but allowing 6-of-11 third down conversions and giving up 25 first downs and 460 total yards is just unforgiveable.

Goal line stalls: The Browns did move the ball for stretches today, and twice they were able to get the ball down to the five yard line or closer for 1st and goal. However, they came away with only three points from those two trips. Here's how they managed to mess that up.

1st drive:

1st and goal on 5 - Jamal Lewis 2 yard run
2nd and goal on 3 - Derek Anderson fumbles the snap and loses 2 yards
3rd and goal on 5 - Anderson throws to Mike Furrey in triple coverage and is lucky to not be intercepted
4th and goal on 5 - DOINK! That's the sound of Billy Cundiff smoking the left upright at just the right angle to get the ball to fall through the uprights on a 20 yard field goal. That's right, he hit the upright on a 20-yarder. A drive of 6:21 yields just three points.

2nd drive:

1st and goal on 1 - Jamal Lewis loses 2 yards on a run
2nd and goal on 3 - Anderson throws incomplete pass intended for Mohammed Massaquoi
3rd and goal on 3 - Jamal Lewis runs for 2 yards
4th and goal on 1 - Anderson throws incomplete pass meant for Massaquoi

That's EIGHT goal line plays ran by the Browns, and not one yielded a score. Gee, Mr. Brian Daboll, maybe that would be a swell time to use the Wildcat? You know, the formation that actually WORKED against the best defense in the NFL last week until you went away from it, the same formation that you ran exactly ONCE today.

Sack shortage: The most shocking stat could very well be that the Browns failed to register a sack today. The Packers had allowed 25 sacks in five games this season, and they were missing their veteran LT Chad Clifton. Yet, the Browns barely sent any blitzes at a pretty pedestrian Packer O-line that I've seen absolutely overwhelmed in other games this year. The only time I can recall a blitz was when they idiotically sent two blitzers in David Bowens and Abe Elam from the same side. The result: a 71 yard touchdown for Donald Driver where he was virtually uncovered.

The Browns take on another NFC North foe next week when they travel to Chicago to take on Jay Cutler and the Bears, who were pounded by the Bengals today.

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